TIMES ARE TOUGH and you’re in a hurry so we’ve decided to make education more efficient and affordable for you. We have accomplished this by removing requirements for exposure to any skills or thought outside of that for necessary for your chosen career.
- Want to turn a wrench? Don’t worry about physics.
- Want to pound nails? Don’t worry about algebra.
- Want to pack circuit boards? Forget chemistry or geography.
- And literature? Art appreciation? History? Music? No need! No sweat. No worry.
- Piloting a lift truck,
- Stocking shelves,
- Monitoring a cash register – don’t worry, it’ll do all the math for you,
- Sweeping floors,
- Flipping burgers.
With our degree in hand, you’ll never have to worry about:
- Income taxes – you won’t make enough money;
- Home ownership – you won’t be able to qualify for a loan;
- Where to go on vacation – you’ll have the time, you just won’t have the money; and
- Your kids squabbling over their inheritance – there won’t be any.
Understand that, if for some reason the job for which you have been uniquely prepared – oops, make that educated – should be moved overseas, be replaced by a more efficient mechanized process or just disappear because no one seems to demand what you do any longer, you might encounter some disillusionment because:
- Without algebra, you may experience difficulty employing logic to solve your circumstantial problem;
- Without literature, you may find it tough to draw upon the experiences of others who’ve endured similar (or worse) set backs;
- Without geography, you’ll likely be unable to see the big picture;
- Without visual or performing arts, it may be hard to express your angst or disappointment (or joy or happiness) in a constructive manner;
- Without foreign language, you may have less success interacting and communicating with other citizens of the world; and
- Without history you may have difficulty knowing where you’re going because you’ll have no idea where we’ve been.
We wish to congratulate you on your new degree asking only that a few years from now, should the American Dream appear not to be working out, please don’t circle back and complain to us about your training – oops – education.
You’ll have obtained exactly what you paid for in the accelerated manner you desired. At the same time, you will have received exactly what we wanted you to receive.
Church of the Open Road Press